Happiness is a virtue that is very hard to come by. Although, when it does pass through we are quick to pass it up. Maybe this is because we, as people, are so accustomed to life being only slightly more than mediocre. We are used to let downs that it is the only thing we expect out of a person anywhere.
Back in the late fall of 2010 I made a promise to myself that I would strive for happiness. It seems though, that it should be our right to be happy, something that every person should have. I believed that for a long part of my life but it didn't get me anywhere. So, after the last time of being out in the dumps, seemingly a million miles away from happiness, I vowed to myself that I had to, needed to, wanted to work for my happiness.
The mental ability it takes to complete this task is so profound on so many different levels. I was able to keep that up for a few months. But it felt like I was only fooling everyone, and mostly myself, that I was being put onto the path of greatness. I began to lose hope that I would find this feeling that was so worldly talked about.
So I started to work harder at finding something that would fill this void I had inside of me. I wanted something that would make people do a double-take and applaud me for all the hard work that I put to make this goal fulfilled. I did this by joining the wrestling team.
For a while the school hadn't had a girl on the wrestling team so I knew that I would stand out by that alone. But I also wanted to prove to myself that I could be strong enough to complete this task that so many have said was gruesome. And to complete it, I thought, would make me proud and that would then lead me to being happy.
As I began this course it was difficult to get used to all the alien states and cold looks. The guys there, I am guessing, were probably wondering why I was there in the first place and why I continued to stay there. Maybe they felt that I don't belong or that I wasn't tough enough to do what they did, but whatever it was I could see it and feel it in their eyes. I was truly an outsider in that room.
Although I wanted to run for the hills and hide, I had already started the program and I wasn't going to quit; my pride was too great for that. I went through the motion of practice and I did what the coaches asked of me but I still wasn't felling like I was achieving my goals. There was something missing but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. It wasn't until after another long sleepless night that I realized I can't do something and just go through the motions and expect great things to happen. I was only achieving the quality of good.
So from then on, I made the will to work and dedication of somebody who knows what they want, the first and foremost thing in my mind. I made the extra effort to learn things quickly and correctly, to be the fastest, to create that figment of possibility and actuality of being happy. And I think people noticed because I could show them that I was winning matches and becoming great and proud and superb.
Then I thought to myself, why stop there? Why don't I give myself some wrestling goals? I said that I was going to kick butt and that I was going to go to state, no questions asked, whether people approved of it or not. I strived, I achieved, and I made it to state as an alternate, being a first year wrestler. Unfortunately, I didn't wrestle that weekend but I was so proud and bubbling with joy that I could hardly keep it in.
It gets better, though, when I realize that I was the first girl in my school to make it as far as I did. About a week later, after all these events, when everything was sinking in deep, I realized that I fulfilled my first goal. I looked in the mirror and saw the happiness in my face from accomplishing something that I thought was so tremendous. It was a very powerful moment.
With the help of wrestling I found myself finding the true way to happiness. It is that one must have the drive and commitment to make oneself happy. You set your own goals that you know that you can achieve and that will make you happy. Truly, your own happiness lies in your own hands.